All Hollow's Eve Headaches
by pago
Summary: AU, oneshot, takes place during the end of Espada's Masquerade and after Winter War. It's All Hollow's Eve and Rukia has been given more responsibilities within Squad 13 and with great responsibility comes great stress: commanding a small team of young shinigami, dealing with an obnoxious assassin, being surprised with the return of an old friend, and of course, Renji being Renji.


_**Author's Note I: **AU, takes place during the tail end of Espada's Masquerade and after Winter War. Whilst working on my new story, a sequel to both Winter War and Espada's Masquerade, I realized that I had not addressed the return of one Ashido Kanō and while he won't be a major player in that story, it is essential that I lay out how he came back. This also felt like a good opportunity to introduce and flesh out a new OC who'll be a background player in things to come, so yeah, there's that. Also, there may or may not be a handful of hints in here for that new project..._

**Hollow's Eve Headaches**

History had a funny way of repeating itself.

Not funny in a humorous sense, but funny in the way that the _exact same thing_ could happen again and again and continually fool the _exact same people_ into making the _exact same mistakes_ they'd already made once before.

Countless years ago, Ashido Kanō and his squad had gotten so caught up in fighting a group of hollows that when the beasts had opened a _garganta _and fled for the safety of Hueco Mundo, the shinigami had followed them into the black abyss without thinking. They ended up trapped in the nightmarish land of eternal night, battling ravenous hollows around the clock until, one by one, they all fell beneath the relentless onslaught.

All except Ashido.

The last survivor, the lone shinigami lost in Hueco Mundo, with all the odds stacked against him, and yet he had lasted for years.

And now he was once again chasing a hollow through the inky darkness of a _garganta_ to an unknown destination.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ashido was scolding himself for not having learned his lesson the first time around.

There was no way of knowing where the _garganta_ would lead him; it could be back to the Soul Society, it could be the human world, or a dozen other possible points in-between that were all considerably less-pleasant.

And once he killed the _adjuchas_ currently fleeing in terror, his only way back to Hueco Mundo would, for better or worse, be gone.

Not that it mattered too much; if he could survive Hueco Mundo, he could survive anything.

The panicked creature nearly ten meters in front of him was the last of the Aizen-loyalists that had mercilessly hunted him for years and there was no way, absolutely _no way_ he was going to let the damnable beast escape.

Aizen was long gone, he knew that beyond all doubt after finally making it above ground and journeying to Los Noches only to find a mountain of rubble where the great palace had once stood. He had no way of knowing if the small group of shinigami he'd helped, Rukia Kuchiki and her friends, had survived the battle or not, but clearly Aizen had been defeated.

All that was left was to clean up the last of his diehard followers down below in the Menos Forest.

Kanō had been prepared to join Kuchiki and her allies until more hollows, including a small army of _gillians_, had appeared at their back with murder on their minds. Ashido had opted to stay behind and hold off the beasts while the others made their way to the surface, cutting him off from contact with his own kind once again and removing any chance he had of ever going home.

The battle had left him severely wounded and he'd limped back to the safety of his cave to bandage his wounds, leaving a trail of blood in his wake that the hollows had unfortunately followed. The battle that followed had only worsened his considerable injuries and had compromised the location of his sanctuary, forcing him to abandon it.

He'd always anticipated that the hollows might find him one day and, as a contingency, already had a slew of alternative hideouts picked out well in advance. They weren't nearly as well-worn and comfortable as the one he'd called home, but they were safely tucked away in dark corners where hollows seldom went.

And he'd made damn sure that _this_ time there was no trail left for them to follow.

Rukia and the others had promised to come back for him and he had little doubt that they'd believed him dead when they returned to his original cave and found the entrance partially collapsed with blood spatters everywhere. He couldn't fault them for giving up and going home instead of searching the deeper recesses of the forest for him.

He could, however, blame the hollows.

And the monster before him was the last of those responsible, the last loyal follower of the late Sōsuke Aizen.

In the end it didn't really matter where the _garganta_ would lead him so long as the last remnant of Aizen's evil was eliminated.

* * *

All Hollow's Eve was supposed to be a magical fun-filled night of slaughtering hollows without mercy, of giggling like a school girl as their death cries echoed through the night and their blood pooled at your feet. It was supposed to be one giant killing spree from sundown to sunrise with the only pauses being brief ones to savor the sights and smells of carnage. It was a night of unparalleled awesomeness that Haname Shiba had been eagerly looking forward to experiencing for five long years ever since she first joined the Gotei 13.

It was, in truth, a colossal disappointment.

She sat on a streetlight overlooking an empty highway as the clock zeroed in on two-thirty in the morning, completely bored out of her skull. She'd _hoped_ to be stationed somewhere more active, someplace like Karakura Town or Tokyo, but instead she'd been assigned to some godforsaken hick town called Sarami City in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. She'd _hoped_ that if she had to be in such a small town that she could at least be the sole shinigami guarding it for the night, but instead Captain Suì-Fēng had "loaned" her services to Squad 13 for the evening and as such, she was part of a small team guarding the city.

Haname sighed as she fell backwards and hung upside down from the streetlamp, held in place only by her legs as she let her arms simply dangle out below her as if reaching for the pavement. She knew why Suì-Fēng had done this to her, of course; the captain positively _hated_ her and was trying to push Haname off to another division.

"Be on your best behavior tonight," Captain Suì-Fēng had instructed the unseated shinigami before dismissing her to the world of the living under the supervision of Squad 13. Oh yes, she understood all right; Suì-Fēng wanted her to behave so Squad 13 would agree to accept her into their ranks.

As if Haname planned to make it _that_ easy for Captain Suì-Fēng to get rid of her…

Haname's first order of business had been to be as rude to the group commander, Squad 13's fifth seat Rukia Kuchiki, as humanly possible to ensure that Kuchiki didn't recommend to her own captain that they accept Suì-Fēng's offer. Her second order of business had been to adamantly _refuse_ to operate in pairs as she had been instructed, instead leaving Rukia on one side of the city, Haname on the other, and three other two-man teams scattered in between them.

Since arriving in Sarami City, she'd killed a grand total of two hollows. Two. Just two. Two measly run-of-the-mill hollows that were about as challenging as a toddler trying to go toe-to-toe with a world-class prizefighter. There had been others in the city, but she'd been unable to get to them before the members of Squad 13 swooped in and took care of things, spoiling her fun.

God damn it.

She rubbed her face with her hands and then raked them through her disheveled silver hair before letting her arms dangle below her again. The relative (and unwelcome) slowness of the night had left her with plenty of time to think about exactly _why_ Captain Suì-Fēng hated her so much, and she'd finally settled on two prevailing theories.

First was her reluctance to follow Squad 2 protocol; as a member of the Stealth Force, Haname was expected to be "quick and clean" with her kills, a silent assassin who would hit and fade without a trace, but that was just too goddamned _boring_ and she refused to do it. Why ambush someone from behind when you could face them head on and have some _real_ fun?

Suì-Fēng, of course, didn't see it that way.

The second reason, perhaps the biggest reason Suì-Fēng hated her, was simple jealousy. After all, Haname boasted a bosom appropriate for her size and build while the captain herself had what amounted to a pair of mosquito bites.

Suì-Fēng had _not_ been amused when Haname had helpfully suggested she go see a doctor about those painful-looking bug bites on her chest.

Of course, Suì-Fēng had also taken offense to being confused for a midget on Haname's first day on the job, but that had been an honest mistake on her part; really, how could anyone _not_ mistake the petite captain for a dwarf? The fat slob of a lieutenant, the late Marechiyo Ōmaeda, had chuckled a bit, but Suì-Fēng herself apparently had no sense of humor whatsoever.

Her musings on Captain Suì-Fēng's shortcomings came to a halt as the sky a kilometer down the road began to darken even further than the rest of the surrounding night, twisting and distorting for a brief moment before a _garganta_ opened like the giant black maw of some dread beast from the underworld. Even at this distance, she could sense a strong _reiatsu_ coming from inside the _garganta_, indicating that whatever was coming through was pretty powerful.

_Adjuchas-level, maybe?_

The thought filled her with unabashed glee; finally, something _fun_ to do!

She relinquished her hold on the streetlight and fell towards the ground, gracefully flipping over as she descended and landing on her feet before going straight into _shunpo,_ flash step, to cover the distance to the _garganta_ before anyone could rob her of the prize once again. Eagerly she pulled her zanpaktou from its sheath at the small of her back, the weapon itself being in the form of a thick Katar punching dagger, and she pulled on it, separating it into two smaller blades, one for each hand.

"Welcome to the horror show, _Jūkyō_!" she commanded the weapon, her mad grin widening as the blades melted and coated her hands and forearms before hardening once more into armored gauntlets with wicked nine-inch blades jutting out from her fingers, each one tipped with a deadly barb capable of piercing all but the strongest of armors.

She came to a stop just a few meters in front of the _garganta_, flexing her bladed fingers anxiously as she waited for her quarry to make his appearance. It wasn't a long wait and within moments of her arrival a white hollow mask could be seen making its way through the blackness.

"Come on," she cooed, "come to mama!"

As the beast drew nearer, she could make out the wolf-like shape of the mask and the matching wolf-shaped form of the hairy beast, its steel gray fur only a few shades darker than her own hair. She thought its body had a somewhat bipedal design to it, even though it was currently running straight for her on all fours as if eager to meet its death.

"That's right, _come on!_" shouted Haname eagerly, practically salivating at the prospect of a good fight at long last.

It was almost upon her now and she took a singe step back into a fighting stance, drawing upon her years of combat experience as she prepared to merrily slice and dice mister big bad wolf into itty bitty bloody pieces and-

A battle cry sounded through the night, bringing a look of concern to Haname's face as she realized it wasn't originating from the wolf. No, not again, she had _no_ intention of giving up another kill to those goddamned _goons_ from Squad 13!

She lunged forward, lashing out with _Jūkyō_, the Ten Terrors, as she prepared to draw first blood and claim the kill as her own, but a sword tore its way through the beast from behind before her claws could find their target. With a single death howl, the wolfish hollow began to disintegrate into countless spirit particles as Haname's claws ended up slashing through empty air.

"_No!_" cried Haname desperately as her prize crumbled to nothingness before her. "But…_I_ wanted to kill it…"

The beast was gone and before her now stood another shinigami with dark reddish hair wearing a ragged shihakushō and a cloak made of brown animal fur. For his part, the newcomer stood silent and unmoving save for turning his head from left to right, scanning the environment as if he was confused as to where he was; he'd killed the hollow far too quickly and didn't even seem inclined to drink in the victory.

Clearly there was no justice in this world.

"Where…where _am_ I?' asked the male finally.

"On my shitlist," answered Haname bitterly. "That was supposed to be _my_ kill, God damn it!"

He looked at her as if she was crazy and Haname flexed her clawed fingers as she weighed the consequences of gutting _him_ instead. Before she could make up her mind, she sensed movement beside her and she growled in annoyance as she recognized the _reiatsu_ as that of Rukia Kuchiki.

"What the hell is going on here?" barked the diminutive Kuchiki, hand on the hilt of her still-sheathed zanpaktou. "Haname, are you okay? What happen-"

She cut herself short as she noticed the male and as he in turn noticed her, their eyes locking and recognition registering on their respective faces.

"Rukia…" he breathed in disbelief.

"Ashido…" a stunned Rukia trailed off as Haname offered her opinion of the new arrival.

"_Asshole!_"

* * *

For decades, Rukia Kuchiki had wanted nothing more than a little recognition within the Gotei 13, recognition earned by her own deeds rather than by her name and association with her adopted brother, the great Byakuya Kuchiki. For decades she struggled to escape his shadow to no avail; time and time again she failed to earn an officer position within Squad 13 and whatever achievements she accomplished in the line of duty were easily eclipsed by those of her peers.

And then with the end of the Winter War, recognition had finally come.

She was now the fifth seat of Squad 13, had been _personally_ asked by the captain to handle the Squad's kidō drills, and tonight she was serving as the team commander for an eight man unity sent to keep Sarami City safe from the dangers of All Hollow's Eve. If that somehow wasn't enough, she had been tasked with evaluating a prospective new squad member, Haname Shiba, currently of Squad 2, and Captain Ushii had made it perfectly clear that the decision to accept or reject Haname would be based _solely_ on Rukia's own report.

Yes, Rukia knew that she _should_ have been happy.

Truthfully, she had been positively ecstatic at first…but that euphoria had dissolved into a bad mood approximately thirty seconds after meeting Haname Shiba.

"Hello!" she'd greeted the silver-haired woman cheerfully. "I'm Rukia Kuchiki and-"

"Whatever," Haname had grunted, folding her arms over her chest and looking away. Okay, no reason to be discouraged yet…

"So, you're part of the Shiba clan?" Rukia tried again.

"Not by choice," spat the assassin with an impressive level of disdain.

"There's no need to be like that! The Shiba clan is a very noble and well-respected family! My first lieutenant was Kaien-"

"With all due respect, _ma'am_, just shut the hell up and let's get this crap over with," had been Haname's reply, but there wasn't even the slightest inkling of respect in her voice.

That had been it for Rukia and she launched into a tirade, drawing on all the authority her rank gave her to chew the taller woman out, using the same fierce tone that had made both Ichigo and Renji back down from her countless times before. The other shinigami in the team winced under the onslaught despite the fact they were not the target of her wrath, with many of them averting their eyes and looking away uncomfortably under Kuchiki's commanding tone.

Haname had just stood there looking completely unfazed and utterly _bored_ throughout the entire ordeal, not flinching even once.

"Fine," Rukia had huffed finally, "let's just get to the world of the living and get on with things."

"Speak up; I can't hear you way down there," the taller woman had said mockingly, a wicked, taunting grin on her face. Rukia had to literally bite her tongue for a moment before composing herself and ushering her team through the senkaimon into the world of the living.

Upon arriving, the other six shinigami had immediately split off into pairs and scattered themselves across the city. Rukia had turned back to Haname, forcing a friendly smile despite feeling an near-irresistible urge to strangle her instead.

"Since most of the individuals chosen to come to Sarami City have little to no combat experience, Captain Ushii has ordered everyone to work in pairs for their own safety. While I know you are much more experienced, you and I will still be working together so-"

"Pass," said Haname dismissively. "I work alone."

"I understand it's a Squad 2 thing to often work alone," Rukia had said through gritted teeth, "but please remember that you are _not_ part of Squad 2 tonight and-"

"_And I don't care_," interrupted Haname icily. "It's not just a Squad 2 thing; it's a _me_ thing. I don't work or play well with others."

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," said Rukia sarcastically, momentarily losing her cool as the urge to strangle the woman before her surfaced once again. "That's going to have to change if you want to be a part of Squad 13-"

"Except that I _don't_."

"Well, I'll be sure and mention that in my report to the captain…" said Rukia briskly. "If you're _that_ determined to fly solo, then have at it."

"Thank you," Haname had said with a condescending smile before using her _shunpo_ to dart over to the other side as town, as far from Rukia as possible.

Not that Rukia particularly minded the distance between them, of course.

"Insufferable little harpy…" growled Rukia under her breath as she thought back on the exchange. Ichigo had a penchant for being blunt and disrespectful with officers, but Haname Shiba made him look positively _saintly_ by comparison.

The night was far from finished, but her report on the prospective new member had been completed before the assassin has even parted ways with Rukia; Haname Shiba was not, nor would she _ever_, be welcome in Squad 13.

That unpleasant conversation had occurred _hours_ ago, but Rukia was still seething from the blatant disrespect she'd been shown. It was no wonder why Captain Suì-Fēng was trying to push her off to another division, though there was the question of why the captain didn't simply lock Haname in the Maggot's Nest prison for a while to try and straighten her up.

Then again, she suspected Haname might _enjoy_ being locked up with a bunch of violent inmates who had nothing to do but punch each other stupid all day every day.

It wasn't quite two-thirty in the morning yet, which meant there was still nearly five more hours left before sunrise and the end of All Hollow's Eve, and Rukia forced herself to take a deep, cleansing breath as she stood on the roof of a small office building.

No good; she was still pretty pissed.

She took another deep breath and exhaled slowly, finally releasing her resentment of Haname as she focused of the more-positive aspects of the night and her responsibilities. A grin crept back to her face at the thought of how much trust and faith the captain had put in her and she briefly wondered if her brother would be proud of her.

She didn't expect him to actually _say_ that he was, of course, but Rukia was pretty sure that, in his own way, Byakuya Kuchiki would indeed be proud.

Rukia hopped down from the office roof to the sidewalk below, taking a casual stroll down the deserted street as she flipped open her soul pager and observed the tiny monitor screen that was tracking hollow movements in the area. The soul pager wasn't as advanced as the monitor stations in the Seireitei and it didn't show the location of the shinigami stationed throughout the city, but it did show yellow dots representing hollows appearing and then quickly blinking out of existence within seconds.

Despite their relative inexperience, the soul reapers under her command for the night had been well-trained thanks to the efforts of Captain Ushii and Lieutenant Nel…and Rukia's own efforts as well, of course. The grin came back to her face as a feeling of pride swelled within her chest; she had personally taught each of these young soul reapers (sans Haname) kidō and they were apparently performing their jobs _magnificently_.

The bad mood from earlier in the evening had finally evaporated completely, leaving Rukia feeling content with how things were turning out. Briefly she allowed herself to wonder how Ichigo was faring over in Karakura at the moment, if his night was going as comparatively well as hers was.

And then her soul pager went positively _berserk_, beeping with a frantic urgency she'd not heard since the war.

"An _adjuchas_…" she breathed in disbelief as she read the data. It was rare for any of the Menos-class hollows to enter the world of the living, which was a good thing considering the overwhelming power they possessed. The youths under her charge in Sarami City were far too green to handle an _adjuchas_ even as a coordinated group effort, which left the onus of taking the beast out squarely on her and Haname's shoulders.

Great, just what she wanted to do; team up with the obnoxious assassin in a life-or-death battle with a powerful hollow.

Rukia shut the soul pager and sped off towards Haname's side of town, heading straight for the location the soul pager had indicated the beast to be coming from. She could see the unnaturally-black form of a _garganta_ in the distance and she could sense Haname moving to intercept the creature without being told.

At least her combative instincts were good for _something_.

She could see Haname take up a position in front of the _garganta_, ready and waiting for the hollow to emerge, and Rukia could also tell that she wouldn't get there before it was upon Haname. Rukia may not have _liked_ the taller female, but that didn't mean she wanted to see her die, either.

"Hang on, I'm almost there!" she cried, despite knowing full well that she was too far away for Haname to hear her. She hoped the assassin was as tough as she acted, that she could survive the battle with the _adjuchas_ until help arrived.

The shaggy, wolfish hollow came charging out of the darkness on all fours and Rukia saw Haname lunge forward fearlessly. Her heart was in her throat, fearing the worst; she didn't want to see anyone die, didn't want to have to apologize to the Shiba clan _again_ for failing them…

And then the hollow howled in pain as it abruptly died, its body falling apart into tens of thousands of purified spirit particles as it cried out. The black _garganta_ twisted, distorting the night sky once again as it closed and faded from existence just as Rukia arrived.

"What the hell is going on here?" asked Rukia hurriedly, concerned for her peer. "Haname, are you okay? What happen-"

Rukia cut her questions short as she noticed another soul reaper present, someone who wasn't part of the eight-man team assigned to the city for the city, someone who she'd thought dead.

"Rukia…" muttered the newcomer, the look on his face suggesting he was every bit as shocked as she was.

"Ashido…" she breathed, still not believing her eyes.

"_Asshole!_" declared Haname, effectively breaking the spell of confusion that had overshadowed them.

"Ashido, I thought…we all thought you were dead…" Rukia said.

"He's about to be," growled Haname threateningly, flexing her claws dangerously. "The one _good_ hollow to show its ugly face all night and he _stole_ it from me!"

"I'm sorry," offered Ashido. "I did not see you there-"

"Haname," Rukia interjected, "go take over the other side of town for me. I'll handle this."

There was a tense silence as Haname stood there glaring death at Ashido, clearly contemplating using him as a scratching post for her long steel talons.

"Jerk," she hissed finally before vanishing in an instant, using her stealth and her _shunpo_ to exit the area. Whether or not she was actually going to the other side of town as ordered was debatable, but at least she was gone now.

There was another long pause before Ashido Kanō spoke again.

"Rukia…where are we? Is this…is this the Soul Society?"

"No," she corrected him, shaking her head, "this is Sarami City, in the world of the living."

"The world of the living…" he repeated, gazing down at the buildings below and the few cars making their way up and down the nearly-empty streets. "It looks so different than I remember it…"

"It's been a long time," Rukia consoled him. "A lot has changed, but I think the Soul Society will feel a lot more familiar."

"I can finally go home…" he said, the concept sounding foreign to him. "My job in Hueco Mundo is finished."

"You should go back to the Seireitei and get some rest," Rukia suggested. "Rest, a warm meal, a good bath… You've more than earned it."

A hollow cry echoed across the city and she noticed Ashido's eyes immediately hone in on the direction it had come from.

"No," he said, his expression hardening. "Not just yet. If there are hollows in this city, then-"

"We'll take care of it," Rukia assured him. "There's eight of us here tonight, so there's no reason to worry."

"Eight?" echoed the lost shinigami. "Why so many? Is something going on? Is the war not over?"

"It's fine," Rukia said, trying to calm him down. "The war is over and Aizen is dead; it's just All Hollow's Eve, that's all."

"All Hollow's Eve… In that case, I won't return to the Seireitei until morning comes."

"I can make it an order if I have to," Rukia warned him. "I'm an officer now, fifth seat of Squad 13."

"Congratulations," Ashido told her, the praise sounding genuine, "but I do not think I was a member of Squad 13, which means you have no real authority over me."

"Damn it," hissed Rukia, "don't be difficult! I'm just trying to look out for you; You've been in Hueco Mundo by yourself for too long and what you need _now_ is to go back to the Seireitei and get some rest!"

"I appreciate the thought, but I'm fine."

"You'll listen to a captain, won't you? Or a lieutenant?" she pressed.

"…I suppose I wouldn't have much choice." he conceded reluctantly as Rukia pulled out her soul pager and began dialing. Ashido cocked his head and peered at her curiously, apparently having never seen such a device before, but Rukia ignored his curiosity as someone on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello? Captain, I…oh, Kiyone…and Sentaro… What are you doing with the captain's phone?"

"He's gone off on a mission to the world of the living and asked not to be disturbed!" came Sentaro's gruff voice.

"I see… What about the lieutenant?"

"She's also on a mission," answered Kiyone this time. "I'm watching over things until they return!"

"_You're_ watching over things?" scoffed Sentaro. "_I'm_ the one the captain left in charge!"

"Nu-uh, it was _me_!" argued Kiyone.

"Enough!" barked Rukia into the soul pager, silencing the two officers on the other end. "What about Renji? Is he available?"

"Captain Abarai?" asked Kiyone. "I think so; I don't remember hearing about him going anywhere tonight."

"Then go find Renji and tell him I need to see him as soon as possible; it's very important, okay?"

"I'm on it, Rukia!" declared Sentaro boisterously.

"No way, _I'm_ on it!" countered Kiyone as Rukia just hung up the phone with a sigh.

"So, your captain isn't available?" asked Ashido after a moment.

"No, he isn't, but Captain Abarai of Squad 5 should be here soon," said Rukia. "Until then, you should just take it easy and-"

"Until then, we have a job to do," Ashido said, heading deeper into the city. Rukia just stood there dumbstruck for a moment as he completely ignored her orders and went out hunting for hollows. It took her a moment to recover her wits and follow him, but not before finally giving up and shouting her frustration to the entire world.

"Respect my authority, damn it!"

* * *

It was a fact that none of the captains, save perhaps for the young Tōshirō Hitsugaya, actually _liked_ the ridiculous amount of paperwork that came with their position. Most captains had the good sense to split the workload with their lieutenant and together they would quickly and efficiently tear through the paperwork in a timely fashion.

And then, there was Renji Abarai.

The captain of Squad 5 was currently without a lieutenant and rather than tackling the forms early to get them out of the way, he had a nasty habit of ignoring them entirely until the day before they were all due, leaving him stuck in the office all day until the wee hours of the morning playing catch-up.

He'd clocked in at eight in the morning and spent the entire day in the office and it was sometime well past midnight when he finally finished the mountain of forms that had been piled up. His body felt drained despite the lack of actual physical labor and his eyes were weary, but one last task remained; delivering them to Head-Captain Yamamoto's inbox over in Division 1.

Tired beyond words, Renji could barely pick his feet up as he trudged through the darkened streets of the Seireitei carrying a half-dozen manila folders that were full of various forms and reports that had been steadily accumulating on his desk for two and a half weeks. The heavy stack of folders only added to his exhaustion and he wasn't entirely sure that he'd be able to make it to Division 1 and back to his own quarters before he simply collapsed in the street.

"I've _got _to stop doing this…" he muttered to himself, tuning out the mocking laughter of the dual spirits inside his zanpaktou.

He heard footsteps, the sound of people running and talking, and he paused in his journey, straining his ears to try and hear what was being said. Was there some sort of dire emergency going on?

"Where could he be? We have to find him!" said one.

"If _you_ had been faster, we could have caught him _before_ he left his division!" said the other accusingly.

The sound of running feet and arguing got closer and Renji turned a corner to see what was going on…

_***WHAM!***_

The captain fell back against the unforgiving stone street hard as the two soul reapers plowed straight into him, sending hundreds of forms flying up into the air and out of their respective folders as they scattered themselves about the area. Groaning, Renji sat up to look at the two shinigami who were _still_ bickering with each other.

"Kiyone and Sentaro," he growled as he got to his feet slowly, "aside from the fact Anrak would strangle me, can you give me _one_ good reason not to beat the both of you into the ground right now?"

"Captain Abarai!" Kiyone cried, apparently noticing him for the first time. "Thank goodness I found you!"

"_You_ found him?" asked Sentaro incredulously. "_I_ found him; _you_ were just tagging along, as usual!"

"That's _it!_" Renji cried angrily, reaching for them as his face twisted into the psychotic grin of a sleep-deprived madman.

"It's Rukia, Captain!" Kiyone blurted out, halting his wrath. "She just called and said she needs to speak with you _immediately_!"

"It's urgent!" Sentaro agreed. "We've been looking all over for you since Captain Ushii is unavailable!"

"Rukia's in trouble?" Renji said slowly, his tired mind quickly speeding up as he processed this new information.

"She sounded distressed!" confirmed Kiyone. "She's in Sarami City, in the world of the living!"

"Hang on, Rukia; I'm coming!" he shouted to the Seireitei, forgetting all about Kiyone and Sentaro and the several hundred reports scattered about the street as he took off in a dead run for the senkaimon.

Kiyone and Sentaro sat there for a moment, surrounded by paperwork and blinking at each other as Renji ran off down the street like a bat out of hell.

"So, should we…clean this up?" asked Sentaro slowly.

"Well, he is a friend of the captain, and it would make the captain happy if we helped him…" reasoned Kiyone.

"Then I'll do it!" vowed Sentaro dramatically, grabbing a handful of the scattered forms that littered the ground.

"_You'll _do it? You'll screw it all up!" challenged Kiyone, snatching at the papers in his hand. "_I'll_ take care of it!"

"Get your own papers, runt!" yelled Sentaro, struggling with the smaller shinigami for control.

"These _are_ mine, buttface!" shouted Kiyone, tugging on the papers clenched tightly in his hand.

_***RIIIP!***_

"Uh oh…" said Kiyone slowly, looking at the torn half in her hands.

"Look what you did this time!" accused Sentaro.

"What _I_ did? That was _your_ fault!"

Renji, thankfully, was long gone and blissfully unaware of the mess the two third-seats were making of his hours of hard work; the only thing on his mind at the moment was that Rukia, his oldest and best friend, was in some kind of trouble and needed help. He sprinted past the guards at the senkaimon without a word, charging into the precipice world with reckless abandon with the lone Hell Butterfly that _should_ have been guiding him struggling to keep up with his frantic running.

He burst out into the world of the living far above Sarami City, the tiny Hell Butterfly far behind him as it beat its wings furiously in an attempt to catch up with the distressed captain. Renji paused for a single moment to get his bearings, trying to hone in on the exact location of Rukia's spiritual pressure.

"There!" he cried, sensing her deep in the city's interior. "Hang on, Rukia!"

He drew _Zabimaru_ and called the weapon into its shikai form as he went into his flash step, intent on swooping in and saving Rukia from whatever was terrorizing her. In his tunnel vision, he saw her kicking a strange, box-like hollow and he gave a fierce war cry as he came down on it from above, startling Rukia as she fell backwards onto the ground.

The hollow never had a chance to defend itself, never even realized what was going on as it was utterly cut in half, falling over into two pieces and…

"Renji, what the _hell_ are you doing?" demanded Rukia. "Are you insane?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked frantically, adrenaline still surging through his system. "I killed the hollow-"

"You killed a coke machine, you moron," growled Rukia as she got back to her feet.

"What?" asked a confused Renji, turning back around to look at his vanquished foe. Indeed, there was a bifurcated vending machine there, spilling change and soda bottles out onto the pavement and sparking electricity from its innards. "Oh, son of a-"

"Kiyone and Sentaro made it sound like I was in danger, didn't they?" sighed Rukia. "I knew I should have just hung up and called you directly."

An embarrassed Renji sheepishly returned _Zabimaru_ to its sealed state and slid it into its scabbard, noticing the other male with Rukia for the first time. "Ashido…you're alive?"

"Indeed," said the other man, retrieving a bottle of water from the now-deceased coke machine. "I haven't had fresh water in so long…"

"What did you survive on in Hueco Mundo?" asked Rukia before she realized that she probably didn't really want to know. "Never mind, don't tell me. Jesus, Renji…"

"I saw you kicking it and I thought…" stammered Renji, still flustered.

"I was kicking the stupid thing because it ate the change I gave it and didn't give us a drink!" said Rukia.

"So…" said Renji, looking over at the lost shinigami as he tried to divert attention away from his mistake, "how is it you're still alive?"

"Because the hollows failed to kill me," said Ashido simply, taking a drink of his water. "So clean, so cold… It's amazing."

"And if you go back to the Seireitei with Renji, you can get some real food at long last, too," urged Rukia. "Renji, he's refusing to go back to the Soul Society until daybreak; order him to go relax!"

"It's All Hollow's Eve; I can't just leave the city knowing there are hollows prowling the streets," said Ashido firmly. "I've already killed two since my arrival and-"

He cut himself off as a hollow roared nearby, prompting him to drop the water and draw his zanpaktou.

"And there's number three-" he began, only to be silenced by a black and silver blur that came out of nowhere and darted past the trio, heading straight towards the sound.

"Mine!" screeched the blur, "Mineminemine_mine!_"

"The hell?" asked a startled Renji as Ashido put his zanpaktou back away.

"She's…_enthusiastic_, isn't she?" he asked dryly, ignoring the captain's question. Rukia just rolled her eyes and turned back towards Renji.

"Ashido has been away so long he doesn't even remember what squad he was with!" she explained. "Take him back to the Seireitei with you and get him situated; we can handle everything here on our own."

Renji regarded the other male carefully as Rukia spoke, observing him as he retrieved his water bottle and took another long drink, savoring it. The captain's mind may have felt sluggish earlier in the evening, but the adrenaline was still racing through his veins and supercharging his thought processes, causing an idea to be born inside his brain, a stroke of utter genius if ever there was one…

"I know _exactly_ what squad he's with…" stated Renji matter-of-factly, projecting all the confidence his rank afforded him.

"You do?" asked Ashido. "You know where I belong?"

"Renji, how do you know what his division is? Did you research it without telling me?" questioned Rukia.

"He's the lieutenant of Squad 5," announced Renji finally, a smug grin forming on his face as the other two shinigami stood in a stunned silence.

"I…I am confused…" said Ashido slowly. "I don't remember being an officer…"

"Renji, what the _hell_?" snarled Rukia angrily, jumping up and slamming a tiny fist down on top of his head. "With as long as he's been gone, with all that he's been through, you want to heap _that_ kind of responsibility on him first thing? Are you out of your freaking _mind_?!"

"It's the best idea I've ever had!" defended the captain, rubbing his aching skull.

"It's insane! It's cruel! It's-" explained Rukia, a vein throbbing in her forehead.

"It's an honor," interrupted Ashido quietly, "but one I must refuse. I'm not cut out for administrative work; my place is in the field, killing hollows."

"Think about it, Ashido," said Renji, side-stepping a vicious jump kick from Rukia, "you have a _lot_ of first hand knowledge about the various different types of hollows. As a lieutenant, you'll be in a position to pass that knowledge on to younger, less-experienced soul reapers and make them more efficient."

"That's a load of crap!" shouted Rukia. "You just want someone to help you do your paperwork!"

"I…well, uh…" Renji faltered momentarily. "Okay, yeah, there's a lot of office work that needs to be done, but it goes beyond that; Rukia, can you honestly tell me Anrak and Nel don't spend plenty of time passing on what they've learned to the squad?"

"They do," agreed Rukia, "but this is _completely_ different!"

"It's not different at all!" said Renji dismissively. "Ashido, you can do a lot more good as a lieutenant than as a field agent. You can make the squad stronger, better trained, and in the event of a major hollow, you and I will be the ones to handle it."

"That does sound…promising," Ashido agreed finally, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "You're sure it'll help the squad be more efficient at killing hollows? It'll make more of an impact than me being in the field by myself?"

"It's done wonders for Squad 13," said Renji. "A skilled and experienced soul reaper can ultimately do _far_ more good in a command position than he could ever do on his own."

"I don't believe this…" said Rukia. "Ashido, don't listen to him! You don't need that kind of stress after everything you've been through!"

"Stress?" asked Renji. "Please… If you agree, Ashido, you can take as much time off as you need before assuming your new responsibilities. Rest, relax, take a vacation! I'm not going to deny you that after everything you've done! And when you're finally ready to start, we'll take it slow; I'll help ease you into the role instead of just throwing you to the wolves like Captain Kuchiki did to me."

"Why me?" asked Ashido finally. "Why offer this honor to a shinigami who's been cut off from the Seireitei for ages? Why not someone else, like Rukia?"

"In case you haven't noticed, Rukia is a bit…_fiery_," said Renji dryly, narrowly dodging another kick from the angry woman. "I've known her forever and I trust her completely, but I don't think we could work well together _because_ of that history. Christ, just look at the lack of respect she has for my rank!"

"It's not your rank, you idiot, it's _you_!" corrected Rukia, kicking him in the shin roughly.

"You're just proving my point!" snapped Renji as he hopped up and down on one leg, massaging his wounded shin tenderly. "Look, bottom line is that you're strong, Ashido, strong, skilled, and you saved Rukia in Hueco Mundo. Hell, you saved _all_ of our asses! If that's not lieutenant material, then I don't know what is."

"It won't just be office work?" asked the errant shinigami cautiously. "I have your word on that?"

"Oh, there's office work, all right… A stupid amount of office work, but we'll split it down the middle so you'll have plenty of time to pass on all of your knowledge and experience to the others and even lead missions to the world of the living periodically," agreed Renji.

There was a long silence as Ashido weighed the offer in his mind, with Rukia standing before him and shaking her head, valiantly trying to persuade him not to fall for Renji's trap.

"Very well, Captain; I accept your offer," said Ashido at long last. Renji gave a triumphant grin and Rukia looked as if she was ready to start pulling her hair out.

"Welcome to Squad 5," Renji told him earnestly. "I think you and I are going to get along just fine."

"For the love of…" Rukia growled, massaging her head to alleviate the migraine that was suddenly setting in. "Look, if you're going to go along with Renji's foolishness, you should at least go back to the Seireitei and get some rest first!"

"I think not…" Ashido said, the barest hint of a wry smile on his face. "I do believe you are in no position to be giving me orders."

Renji just grinned as Rukia cried out in frustration and slammed her face into an open palm.

"Well, now that we have all that settled," he said, chuckling slightly, "I am going back to the Seireitei to get some rest. You can finish up here if you want, Lieutenant, and tomorrow you can start your vacation time."

"I look forward to it, Captain," said Ashido respectfully. "Have a good night."

"I hope you wake up screaming every ten minutes," said Rukia bitterly. "Honestly, Renji, you could have at least _waited_ for him to get settled in first!"

"What's done is done," said Renji dismissively, fighting off a yawn. "You kids have fun and I'll see you in the morning. Or some time after noon, whenever I decide to get up."

Rukia didn't even bother waving as Renji departed; she was still too busy growling under her breath and contemplating beating the hell out of him with a club at a later date. Lieutenant Ashido Kanō, meanwhile, was busy walking down the deserted sidewalk, keeping an ear open for the sound of hollows as he carefully took in all the sights and wonders of the human world.

"So much has changed here…" he said slowly. "Has the Seireitei changed as much?"

Rukia gave a defeated sigh before turning and hurrying to catch up with him.

"Well, _my_ lieutenant is an arrancar," she said finally. Ashido arched a questioning eyebrow at her.

"I think I have a lot of catching up to do, don't I?"

* * *

It was four twenty-seven in the morning when Haname Shiba finally came to the conclusion that the night wasn't a total waste after all.

Oh, she was still pissed about that stupid prick in the fur coat stealing that _adjuchas_ kill from her, but she'd killed a half-dozen lesser hollows since then, which gave her some small measure of satisfaction. And then, there was the food…the sweet, delicious, spongy delicacy that could only be described as the food of the gods…

She was sitting on the checkout counter of a small convenience market that had long since shut down for the night, having carefully cut a hole in the large plate-glass window up front to let herself in; after all, if a captain could get away with murdering a vending machine, surely she was permitted a little breaking and entering, right?

Haname swallowed the wondrous morsel of goodness in her mouth and discarded the empty wrapper before pausing to consider the choices of drinks she had arrayed in front of her. A claw-tipped index finger pointed at one, a bottle of beer, and then to the other, a small serving of chocolate milk.

"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…"

She made it about halfway through the standard method of carefully selecting an item before muttering "the Hell with it" and chugging the lukewarm beer down.

She then turned her attention back to the small pile of golden sweets she had gathered up, carefully skewering one of the Twinkies on a long claw. With the skill of a master surgeon, she used the steel claws on her other hand to slice away most of the plastic wrapper before leaning forward and taking a bite of the sweet creamy goodness, unable to suppress the shiver of delight that shook her very being as she did so.

Oh yes, food of the gods, indeed…

She slowly and deliberately ate the amazing confection, savoring each sinfully delicious bite and mourning its loss when it was at last all finished. With a sigh, she let the remains of the wrapper flutter to the ground to join the other four already down there and reached for her beer, managing only to get a tiny swallow out before the bottle was empty.

"Tastes like shit, anyway," she muttered, chucking the bottle over her shoulder. She heard it hit something and shatter, but she didn't care enough to turn around and see what. She went back to eyeing the chocolate milk for a moment before removing the cap with a single quick, precise swipe of her index claw. Pleased with herself, Haname grabbed the now-open bottle and took an experimental sip of the cold liquid within.

_Heavenly!_

She shivered with delight again before turning the bottle up and chugging it down as quickly as she could. God, why didn't the Seireitei have anything this good?

She discarded the empty bottle and carefully patted her lithe stomach with a bladed hand; as amazing as that feast had been, she couldn't let herself get fat, had to watch her…_killer_ figure. She had calories to burn off and clearly, there was no better way to do so than by murdering the hell out of something.

Preferably several somethings.

Haname hopped off the counter, leaving the rest of the pile of sweets untouched as she headed for the hole she'd meticulously carved in the front window. She paused for a moment, a thought suddenly occurring to her…

"I should pick something up for the captain…" she said, thinking out loud. "A peace offering of sorts…"

A more wonderful idea there never was.

Humming contentedly to herself, Haname headed back into the store and began carefully perusing the aisles. No, that wouldn't do…no, not that, either….no, no, no, ah! _Perfect!_

She carefully plucked a tube of ointment for treating insect bites from the shelf and tucked it away inside her shihakushō and, after a moment's hesitation, grabbed a small can of mosquito repellent as well. Surely Captain Suì-Fēng would appreciate the heartfelt gesture…

Haname grinned wickedly to herself as she finally exited the store and stepped back out into the street, stretching her arms over her head and rolling her shoulders. Now, where to find something worth killing…

A hollow roar reverberated across the block, originating from somewhere just down the road, and Haname's grin grew even madder.

"Trick or treat, son of a bitch…" she cackled to herself as she flash-stepped towards the sound.

Yep, it was official; All Hollow's Eve was pretty damn _awesome_.

**End**

_**...**_

_**..**_

_**.**_

_**Author's Note II:** So here we are; Ashido has gone from running from his life in Hueco Mundo to being suckered into accepting a lieutenant's position. I'm not entirely sure he's any better off now than he was before! I'm pretty happy with Rukia; she feels 110% in-character to me, though I'm less certain about Renji and Ashido; thoughts and opinions here would be welcome. Aside from that, how did the story flow and feel? And what do you think of dear Haname? Admittedly, her design was loosely based off Haihane from Sekirei, but her personality has gone off-track from what I had intended...but I kinda think that's a good thing; she was a lot of fun to write. Good addition to my somewhat-askew universe or no? Feedback would be highly appreciated!_


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